Beginning Of The End

so this is kinda awkward. i erm, cannot believe im here again. 

orang kata bila kita dah lama tinggal sesuatu tu, kita akan lupa, dan tinggalkan,

tapi bagi aku, memori yang memberi peringatan bahawa it happens. pernah berlaku.

and i cannot change that. it will still be on my memories. it wont gone. anyway. im back. and erm.

So yeah, aku memang tak pandai nak say hi, atau byebye bagai, ianya membuat aku down-syndrom. dan awkward.

dan here i am, typing stuff to this entry hoping that i can get through this. and i know i can.

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but i just need the right motivation. arent we all ? so, apa yang aku nak cakap adalah. aku seorang blogger. used to write this erm, not so bad blog, but not so great either.

tapi, aku menulis dulu kerana  manusia. ya, kerana manusia. niat aku tak pure masa tu. mungkin sebab masa tu aku hanyut2 ayam jugak la.

you know, doing it for the sake of other people. thats. a wrong niat. you shoudlnt be doing that to please others. sooner or later you gonna regret it. trust me i know..

so, rasanya aku dah keep the long so called forgotten pace. but this time, im more experiencen than ever . and i want try to make changes. in other people lives. by reminding things.

that have been happpenings to me in the pass. kinda like pengajaran. you know. iktibar. yes.

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Jadi, what this blog gonna be all about ? hmmm. aku sendiri tak boleh jawab soalan tu. except kau kena bagi aku a bit masa supaya aku dapat figure out.

tapi kau boleh kasi cadangan or anything. ya. aku open minded. dont worry.

so of course this is just an introduction entry, an introduction must introduce the writer yeah ?

so again, i think i will name myself as Red. why is that ? sebab aku suka merah. merah tu menyala. merah tu berani. merah tu. merbahaya. ya.

tapi tak dal bahaya mana pon, just aku yoyoall lu orang je. hehehe. anywayn. ya. call me Red yeah ? it suits me you. red is not my fav colour but there is something i like it about.

it shown. passion, creativity, and erm, clumsiness. and yeah i just intepret that using my own thoughs.

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dun mind about it okay ? so erm, apa lagi yang aku nak cakap. hmmm. oh ya, how many years aku berblogging.

well, i read other people blog for two years, and i write blog for two years. so erm, 4 years ?

yeah it was around 2011. and i still cannot believe. i write all those stupid shit.

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hahaha. anyway. seronok apa ada blog. deme kate. deme lah. bukan aku. lelaki ni, kalau ada blog, mesti cam, bajet2 bagus je, no life guy. geek.

but i gonna have to agree to that one. haha. ya. most of us. do this blog thing. to get others peoples attention. gonna admit straight point here. and i did have experience. i kinda experience on most things....yeah. real life and stuff

and i will be like straight honest from here now on.

i admit. before. i do blog for the wrong purpose. i do it to impress others, tunjuk penulisan aku, kasi orang tertarik dengan aku, walaupun aku dah cukup menarik dah, menawan, tertawan dan juga da bomb. tehee.

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but heres the thing though, i kinda know, i have a good writing skill, and i used to  a be a freelancer, and i spend my time improve my writing.

and guess what ? i write a novel. yeah. can you guys believe that ? probably not. cuz you guys dun even know who i am. kahkahkah.

anway. so erm, another thing that i want to talk about adalah. aku berblog dulu. sebenarnya. untuk mencari dunia. ya. dunia. 

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i know most of you guys akan kata. dunia apanya. tulis blog je pon. bukan buat apa. bukan buat dosa apa pun..

ya. thats what you think. thats what I used to think. but if you think about it again. here. let me try to explain it to you guys.

kau write entry. first kau write dan kau hentam orang dan niat kau memang nak kasi sentap orang. this happen lots on girls blog.

second. kau kata kau tak buat ni untuk impress orang. tapi hakikatnya. itu yang kau lakukan. mana tak nya. snapshot sini. selfie sini. tunjuk gambar BF kau tengah peluk kau.

dengan harapan apa ? ya, tu impress others. still tak sentap lagi ? 

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okay, third, kau kata tak dosa ? yet the aurat you show sana sini. lelaki yang tengok tu kau tak tau apa diorang fikir. kau ye la suka bila diorang like. tapi ianya umpama syaitan kau tau ?

ya, aku tau aku  a bit harsh here. but hey. if i dun be honest. who else gonna be honest about it ? plus aku ada pengalaman about it.

If you doing something for the sake of others. then you doing it wrong.

If you doing something to show your aurat. then you doing it wrong.

If you doing it for the views, the followers. then you doing it wrong.

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i tell you guys one  more time again, entry ni. takda tuju kat sapa2 pon. malahan lebih tepat tuju kat diri aku sendiri. sebab aku bodoh dulu, ya, bodoh. tapi kachak. still kachak sehingga kini.

As blogger, aku tau aku berdaya untuk buat something. untuk kasi manfaat. dengan penulisan ke. untuk dekati blog dakwah ke. tapi aku gagal. i do it wrong before. aku buat kerana aku inging dipuji. aku suka bila ramai orang follow aku. dulu.

Ya, aku tak boleh nafikan semua tu. sebab it happens. plus aku lelaki, lelaki mana tak suka tengok makwe cantik. girls lawa. kalau aku tak suka girls, lu orang akan kata aku gay pulak. dan aku tidaklah mau dikatakan sedemikian. kehkehkeh.

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Dan most of the thing, aku adalah pendosa. pendosa macam mana ? pendosa yang berdosa besar. ya. i did something i really regret before. and it add with all the small thing i regret.

thats why, if you know my past blog, you will suprise why i suddenly get quiet. well,  because of that. because i realize. i was doing something wrong. i do it wrong. i dun give others the benefit of my writing.

sebab tu lah aku dah private blog aku, dan kau orang tak mungkin akan dapat cari dah. hehehe.

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so again, sebagai conclusion, ye aku tau aku tulis panjang lebar gila entry ni. but i dun care. this how i express my thoughts. i mean, niat aku blogging dulu pure, which is aku mau kasi pendapat aku, share my story. with others. but then i do it for others. thats when i know. this gotta stop. so i stop.

bhere. hari ni 10 april aku tulis ni. 4 am menunjuk di screen komputer. sebagai saksi bahawa aku menulis this entry. dan aku sendiri suprise. macam mana aku boleh panjang macam ni. kalau aku gini masa SPM dulu komfem Fail. sebab format dia tak boleh 350 words ? i think.

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akhir kata again, nama aku Red, panggil aku red sahaja, aku seorang penulis. blogger, gamer. ya. agak sukar diterima akal. tapi aku suka men games. it helps me relaxing. but nu worry. im not a hardcore. but aku suka play dota 2 :p

sebagai saksi, ini entry, aku, kau. aku mau terima kasih kerana sanngup baca entry ni sampai abis ! tahniah ! anda telah melakukan satu milestone yang sangat sia2 di mata orang lain. tapi sangat berharga di mata penulis. siyes. 

Insha Allah, more to come soon. and i will write with correct nawaitu this time. more entry to come. but just this one will do for now. aku pon nak ready untuk solat subuh ni. gerak dulu.

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P/s : nak tulis blog dakwah sebenarnya tapi aku sedar ilmu aku terlalu sedikit untuk mendakwah. tapi jangan risau, aku mungkin akan selitkan pengajaran, ilmu aku yang sedikit, kisah hidupi. dalam blog ni, iktibar dan pengajran so that i can be at least a good friend to you that you never will know.

Again, terima kasih kerana membaca. saya Red. selamat berkenalan !